We Were Memories Read online

  We Were Memories

  Brandi Aga

  Copyright © 2017 Brandi Aga

  All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

  For permission requests, write to the author at: [email protected]

  or visit authorbrandiaga.wordpress.com/

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

  Cover Design: Jay Aheer with Simply Defined Art

  Interior Formatting: Lee Ching with Under Cover Designs

  To all the lost souls who were sent the love of their life at the wrong time. May you find your way with peace, love, and happiness.

  “Dear God the only thing I ask of you is

  To hold her when I'm not around

  When I'm much too far away

  We all need that person who can be true to you

  But I left her when I found her

  And now I wish I'd stayed

  'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired

  I'm missing you again”

  - Dear God, Avenged Sevenfold

  Contents

  Prologue

  1. Leylah

  2. Leylah

  3. Leylah

  4. Leylah

  5. Leylah

  6. Roman

  7. Leylah

  8. Leylah

  9. Leylah

  10. Leylah

  11. Leylah

  12. Leylah

  13. Roman

  14. Leylah

  15. Roman

  16. Leylah

  17. Leylah

  18. Leylah

  19. Leylah

  20. Leylah

  21. Roman

  22. Leylah

  23. Leylah

  24. Roman

  25. Leylah

  26. Roman

  27. Leylah

  28. Leylah

  29. Leylah

  30. Roman

  31. Leylah

  32. Leylah

  33. Leylah

  34. Roman

  35. Leylah

  36. Roman

  37. Blaze

  38. Leylah

  39. Blaze

  40. Leylah

  41. Leylah

  42. Roman

  43. Leylah

  44. Leylah

  Epilogue

  Playlist

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  I never thought I’d be flying alone with a two-month-old baby, leaving behind her father and fifteen hundred miles of memories.

  I never thought the last time I would ever see him would be down on my knees, at my worst, begging for his love.

  He ruined me.

  Took my heart and loved it unconditionally, only just to spit it out and walk all over it.

  Now we’re strangers, the two of us.

  I’ve always been a good girl, but love can make you do bad things. It can change who you are as a person, inside and out.

  I hate that he was ever mine.

  I hate that I hate him.

  I hate that I still love him.

  I hate that I can still smell him everywhere I go.

  Now we’re just memories.

  And I’m just a stupid girl clinging to hope.

  Hope that one day I can let go.

  For my future and my past.

  Texas hasn’t had much of a winter this year. One day it’s eighty degrees, and the next it’s thirty with a wind chill in the twenties. Today is one of those teeth chattering twenty-something days. I’m meeting Erin at our weekly spot at the bookstore, and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. Our local mom-and-pop shop has the best bakery, and since they remodeled last year, it’s the perfect mix of cozy and intimate. Books, coffee, and curling up in our reading nook is my favorite.

  “You met Luke in a chat room?”

  Erin scoffs at me like I have a unicorn horn sticking out of my forehead. “A chat room? Leylah, this isn’t the nineties. I made a profile on that app I told you about. It’s kind of like Facebook, except it suggests hot dudes instead of friends. It’s supposed to give you a good match. Same for guys, only gives them women with similar interests.” I’m not amused.

  Erin is always talking about some new guy. I haven’t been on my A game in the best friend department lately, keeping tabs on her relationships, but she goes through men like I change my underwear. Can’t blame her though. She’s gorgeous with her fire-engine red hair and take-no-shit attitude. My ginger would be stupid to settle for anything less than she deserves.

  “Upload your picture with your bio and what you want in a match. The app does some random search and, voila, available men right at your fingertips.” She wiggles her eyebrows and takes a sip of her coffee. “My inbox stays full, but it’s hit or miss if they’re even worth talking to. The unwanted dick pics run rampant on there. I was pretty surprised to find Luke.”

  Having been married for nine years, I guess you could say I live vicariously through Erin. We meet up at our spot every Friday and talk about her current man of the week, and sometimes, mine and Ryan’s sex life comes up, ya know, girl talk. But there hasn’t been much to share on my part lately. I wouldn’t say my marriage is falling apart completely, but we seem to be having that seven-year itch two years too long.

  Ryan works a lot of contract work and sometimes even flies overseas, which can turn into week-long trips when it’s all said and done. Half the time, I don’t even know where he’s flying to until he gets there. I used to tag along with him, but he doesn’t even ask me to go anymore, and with my job, it’s easier to stay home.

  “Earth to Leylah.” Erin waves her hand in my face, back to the annoyed unicorn expression. I didn’t even realize I spaced out.

  “Sorry, I’m just tired. I had to work and stayed up late waiting for Ryan to call me when his flight landed. He didn’t make it in till after three.” I take a long sip of my coffee. This bookstore has been here for so long, our dedication to this spot, all the secrets and hardships spilled onto these walls—it’s a good thing walls don’t talk.

  Erin flips her hair back over her shoulder and carries on with her bright idea. “I was saying, you should make a profile and message Luke. I’m interested in him, but I’m not sure if he feels the same way, and I don’t want to waste my time. Again.”

  I’m pretty sure my eyebrows hit my hairline at her ridiculous suggestion. “You want me to make a profile on a dating app and talk to the guy you want?”

  She reaches out with her clawlike fingernails and mauls my phone like it’s her last lifeline. “Here, give me your phone, and I’ll make it for you. You don’t even have to do anything. I just want to see if Luke responds to you like he did me.” She has officially lost it. My little ginger, always in or out, there is no in-between with her. This sounds like a terrible idea, but I’ll play along for my best friend. Even if she is a bad influence.

  Two hours later, the deed is done and Erin has no hope left for humanity, just like I thought. Her dream of catching a good one is crushed. Luke was all too eager to “see my nudes”.

  We pay for our books—because who goes to the bookstore and doesn’t buy at least one book? —and say our goodbyes until next time. If we’re lucky, we may sneak a visit before next Friday, but with her schedule, it’s not likely unless it’s a quickie. Friday is our day with no interruptions, no distractions.
Just us girls with all the time in the world.

  Pulling into the driveway, I see Ryan’s truck is still here, which means he either took the day off or he’s late getting to his office. Our two-story townhouse sits in a nice gated neighborhood in the middle of the city. I thought we would have moved on and bought a bigger house by now, but Ryan doesn’t want to leave just yet. He’s too comfortable here.

  We’ve been here for five years. We lived in a shitty duplex that was way overpriced, with a landlord happily taking advantage of his young tenants before this. Ryan didn’t want to move out because of its “perfect location.” He finally agreed to move when I all but dragged him here to look at this place. The gated neighborhood is a plus; I feel safe with Ryan out of town all the time. There’s nothing wrong with the townhouse, don’t get me wrong. I just want a house with a yard, something to call my own.

  “Have you seen my big suitcase? The one I hang my suits in,” Ryan asks, as he riffles through the entryway closet. He doesn’t even look in my direction in his pursuit. I’m assaulted with his attitude as soon as I walk through the door.

  “No, I haven’t. I never use it. Why would I have seen it?”

  “Jesus, Leylah. I don’t know, could you just help me for once? I have to be in the office in less than an hour, and my flight leaves at seven tonight.” For once? I couldn’t roll my eyes any harder if I tried.

  “Tonight? That’s a quick turnaround. You just got in this morning. Where are you going this time?” Disappointment runs through me like a wildfire when it hits me that I’ll be sleeping alone again tonight.

  “I have to go to Georgia for a few days. We’re signing on a new company, so I’m not sure how long I’ll be there—”

  “Until you get there, I know.” Same story, different day. I don’t even have the energy to continue this god-awful dance around his coming and going we always do. He’s in a hurry… my feelings are hurt… he leaves for a week, and I’ll see him when I see him. I know how it goes, so why fight the inevitable? I drop my bags and keys in their respectable homes on the counter and head upstairs to look for this long-lost suitcase so he can be on his way.

  After the suitcase is found and I’m fresh out of the shower, I sprawl across the bed. Ryan’s still rummaging through the dresser drawers looking for clean clothes. I haven’t even had a chance to wash the dirty ones from his last trip yet. I sit up on my elbows and watch him. Erin and I always say he’s my real-life version of Dominic Purcell—tall, beefy, and rough around the edges. He cleans up nicely though. There’s something sexy about a man in a suit with a big watch on his arm, which is Ryan’s signature look when he’s going out of town. He’s so guarded and hard all the time, catching him in his own little world is a rare opportunity these days. He notices me staring and gives me one of those tell-all smiles of his. The very one that attracted me to him that day we met in the caverns…

  I can’t believe I’m doing this. Whoever thought wandering through a rocky cavern in the middle of the night would be a good idea? A group of interns decided to come camping out here, and I had the bright idea to tag along. It’s not far from Dallas and seems to attract all the locals, myself included. They recommended we tour the caverns at night, so we signed up for an independent flashlight tour, and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Except on this specific tour, there’s no guide. It’s an “enter at your own risk” type thing. We’re ten stories down beneath the earth’s surface with creepy looking salamanders lurking around the rocks at the edge of little pools of water. I’m slightly freaking out.

  My helmet is making me hot and sweaty. The walls are narrow at certain spots in here, and I feel like I can’t breathe. With everyone else a few steps ahead, I crouch down and take my helmet off to try and get some air. I don’t even notice when a small group of guys comes up behind us.

  “Hey, are you okay?” For a second, I think I’m completely losing it and hallucinating over this gorgeous man squatting down in front of me. But no, he’s really here, staring at me in all his hot glory.

  “Yeah, I think so. I don’t do well in small spaces.”

  He’s amused, and I’m back to not being able to breathe again. This time it’s because of him and that gorgeous smile. “You do know that’s what caverns are, right?”

  I can’t help but laugh a little because he’s right. It seems silly when he puts it that way. “You do have a point. I guess I didn’t realize how... overwhelming it would be down here.” I stand back up and brush the dirt off my hands onto my shorts. I’m still a little shaky, which makes putting my helmet back on not so graceful.

  “Here, let me do it.” I can’t help but stare at his face, his seriousness as he concentrates on fastening the buckles. His fingers sweep the side of my face as he tightens the strap. When he’s done, his eyes meet mine and the smile is back. “There ya go. Good as new. Name’s Ryan.”

  “See something you like?” he asks, bringing me back to the present. He’s so smug. He knows what that smile does to me. We may have this weird tension between us right now, but every time he leaves, it never gets any easier.

  Dropping his bag by the door, he walks over to the bed till his knees hit the edge and lays his body across mine. He leans down and takes a strand of my hair and gently tucks it behind my ear. With a kiss on my forehead, he says, “I need to get going. I can’t be late tonight. I’ll call you later or in the morning if it’s looking like a late night.” He slides backward off the bed, grabs his bags, and walks out the door.

  I ended up falling asleep binge-watching Netflix. When Ryan works out of town, it’s just me here for the most part. Well, me and my fur baby, Cloud. She’s my four-year-old white Persian and the closest thing to children I have.

  Ryan’s son, Porter, comes by twice a year, maybe, but never when his dad’s not here. Ryan and I don’t have kids together. I’m only twenty-eight, but with our age difference being almost ten years, I’m not sure if I’ll ever have kids of my own. Ryan doesn’t mind either way.

  Porter is currently going to college, so the age difference between us is weird when we actually do get to see him. He doesn’t look at me like a stepmom, and that makes it difficult on all of us. Having Porter when Ryan was so young changed the way he looks at life. That’s half the reason he works his ass off now. Ryan grew up with a rough home life, and he swore his family never would. He works for what he wants and wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Seeing as Ryan has a child from a previous relationship, apparently, it’s me who’s the defective one in the baby-making department. Everything checks out fine at the doctor, and I’m healthy for my age on every spectrum. I’m just too scared to go get it checked out any further. A rocky marriage and no kids—I’m not ready to face that reality. So I don’t.

  Something startles me awake, and I realize it’s my phone buzzing somewhere under the covers. The room is dark, no light peeping through the top of the curtains, so I know I’ve been out for several hours. I hadn’t intended to sleep so long. I wipe the drool away from my face and check my phone. I have several texts from Erin and one from Lexie asking if I can cover a shift for her at the hospital tomorrow. Ryan and I had plans, but now that he’s gone, I might as well. I could use the distraction.

  There’s still a notification at the top of my home screen that won’t go away. Clicking on it opens that stupid app Erin downloaded, and there’s my profile picture staring back at me. Long black hair, dark tan, and I was wearing my thick, black-framed glasses. Erin insisted I use this picture because I look like a hot, nerdy school teacher, as if that’s something her new boy toy wouldn’t easily have been able to resist.

  Well, she wasn’t wrong…. No, Luke. I will not send you my nudes.

  There’s a message icon that’s glowing pink with a yellow paper heart sticking out of it. Apparently, I have mail—twenty-two messages to be exact. Curiosity gets the best of me and I click on it. Erin wasn’t lying about the dick pics either. My inbox looks a little something like this:

&nb
sp; Noah: *Photo attached

  John: *Photo attached

  Gregg: Send nudes?

  Brannon: *Photo attached

  Justin: Ur hot. Whats ur #?

  Barf. You get the idea. I scroll down a little further because there’s a message from a guy named Roman. His message is different from all the rest, and that’s what catches my eye. He actually uses the alphabet and not his cock. Only the first part of the message can be seen without clicking on it, and that alone has me itching to open it and read the rest.

  Roman: Hey there, darlin’. I don’t normally do whatever this is, but something told me I’d be stupid not to. I just had to let you know, in case no one’s told you today… you’re beautiful.

  Well, Roman is quite the looker himself. I typically don’t have any interest in a man who isn’t Ryan, but he is cute. He has dark hair and a beard for days in some photos. His eyes are dark. He looks like he’s been through a lot, like he can see right through me. Shit, he can see that I read his message. Why is technology so advanced? Whatever happened to writing letters and sending e-mails? I don’t even use Facebook. That’s how techy challenged I am.

  Too late to back out now, I click on his profile and find more pictures of his tattoos. He has full sleeves on both arms all the way down to his hands and two more tattoos that wrap around the back of his legs. Why the hell is he on here when he could obviously have any woman he wanted? I decide to be polite and type out a quick thank-you. Being nice never hurt anyone… right?